How To Get Marijuana Out Of Your System When You Have A Drug Test For Work

By: Madeleine Balestrier

Even as states begin to loosen their cannabis laws, your employers still have the power to make you pee in a cup or steal your saliva – and it’s 2019, why hasn’t Elon Musk found a way to make this a less-creepy process?

But don’t worry (as much) because we’re in this together, and Miss Marijuana is here to help you best prepare for a situation where people may not necessarily understand how cannabis calms your anxiety or relieves some of your constant pain that actually helps you work more efficiently.

Read on for everything you need to know about drug tests and passing them so you can keep your job, and smoke your marijuana too.

Know the Law

Do you know the laws and your rights?

Pretty much the laws surrounding drug testing are not standardized across the country (of course), but here are some general rules of thumb to keep in mind.

If you’re in an industry heavily regulated by the federal government, like the military or healthcare fields, then expect to be drug tested. But beyond its own jurisdictions, the federal government leaves drug testing to the states.

And as long as employers are following the state’s laws about pre-employment notice and standardized procedure, they generally practice a laissez-faire approach to drug testing matters. You can find more about your state’s own specifics here.

Studying up on your company’s guidelines and state law is crucial for awareness about possible discrimination, and understanding what would happen if you decline to take a drug test.

And yes, even if you’re smoking the legal goods like a law abiding citizen, you can still possibly be fired. Don’t believe me? Check out the Coats v. Dish Network Colorado Supreme Court case.

Types of Drug Tests

What types of drug tests are you facing?

You’ve got everything from saliva and urine tests to blood and hair follicle tests, and they all can test for THC use. The former are less expensive to conduct, more widely used and a little less reliable and easier to beat if you get creative. Blood and hair follicle tests are more expensive, and thus more thorough and used for higher security jobs.

Saliva

The saliva test is not only easy to administer, but also offers the quickest results so it’s a great candidate to expect for interviews and company-wide random tests. If you fail, you and your boss can literally watch the swab turn color together – talk about bonding. While not ideal, at least you and your anxiety don’t have to wait days for the results.

For a saliva test, you essentially put a cotton swab lollipop in your mouth and suck on it for a few minutes. Depending on a few factors, marijuana can be found in saliva up to 72 hours, which means it really only takes a few days of detoxing to cleanse your saliva of THC. Can you see how this test may be considered unreliable?

Urine

If you’re preparing for a drug test, a urine analysis is most likely what you’ll be facing as the most popular means for detection with employers.

Unlike the saliva test, a urine sample will take longer to process because it needs to go to a lab or clinic, which also means detection will be a bit more thorough. And prepare for a longer detox process, especially because urine tests are tricky little things that don’t actually test for THC, but the metabolite known as THC-COOH.

Huh, what? I didn’t accidentally fall asleep at the keyboard, THC-COOH is actually a thing. It is produced within the body after consuming cannabis, and essentially, even after the THC dips, the THC-COOH stays around to chill for up to 30 days depending on the person.

Blood

A blood and drug test all at the same time?! That’s some sick kind of torture, and if you’re financially able to, I would leave that job right away. Good riddance!

Thankfully blood tests are the least common method for employers to use since blood tests look for actual traces of drugs still working their way through your system instead of those metabolites that linger around even after the drug has worn off. It’s expensive and has to be done by a licensed professional for obvious reasons. While its not used frequently, blood tests are the most commonly employed after workplace accidents.

A short detox period from about two to seven days will most likely help you pass this kind of test.

Hair Follicle

If you have to take a hair follicle test then you must be the president because these kinds of tests are used for high security jobs that require clearances.

While all of the other tests are mostly self-explanatory, this one is conducted by having a thin strand of hair cutaway from the back of the head – I promise they don’t take all of it.

And before you stop clicking your heels because your bald, the clinicians conducting the test will just take body hair from somewhere else.

Your hair may hide your secrets, but it definitely doesn’t keep your cannabis use under wraps. Hair follicle tests can measure anywhere from three months to years depending on how long your hair is and what length they choose to take the sample from.

Factors at Play

What factors do you have to consider going into a detox?

The age old: everyone is different is actually so true when it comes to how to get marijuana out of your system when you have a drug test for work. Generally, the more you consume the longer cannabis will stay in your system, but if two people smoke the same amount, they will still probably have different detox periods depending on these factors:

Body Fat: The more body fat someone has the longer detoxing will take because THC is stored in our fat cells.

Metabolism: Your metabolism plays a crucial role in how slowly or quickly cannabis breaks down and releases in your body. And speed of metabolism is also impacted by height, weight, activity, genetics and sex.
Potency: The potency of the marijuana strain you’re ingesting also impacts how long it will stay in your body. The higher the level of THC the longer it will hang out in your body.

Lifestyle: Your lifestyle and frequency of exercise are known to factor into how long cannabis stays in your system, but currently its overall impact is unknown. Some argue that sucking it up, throwing on all of your heaviest clothing and dying on a treadmill will save you from drug test failure, while some studies suggest exercising immediately after marijuana consumption actually raises THC levels. So for now I’d suggest moderation is key, but I’m sure in a few years science will shun me for that.

Myths to Avoid

How can you avoid wasting your time?

You’re trying to save your job and your Friday night cannabis dates all at the same time, and the internet is just…being the internet. You don’t have time for Wikipedia’s jokes and all the amateur products promising to flush out all of the THC in less than a second. So be weary of these methods:

Avoid excessive water consumption, emphasis on the excessive.
Save cranberry juice for UTIs.
A Niacin detox is not your friend, neither are most detoxes for that matter.
Skip the mouthwash for saliva tests.
Save your penny on bleach and cosmetic treatments for hair follicle tests.

Methods to Try

How can you prepare?

Let’s go back to the basics people, in high school did you do better on tests that you took the time to study for or on tests that you crammed the night before because you spent the last few days dealing with Jon and Rob’s drama? Same applies for marijuana and drug tests.

The highest chance for a positive outcome is through detoxing naturally over a course of time, rather than wasting your money on gimmick quick fixes. So here are your best bets:

This is obvious, but stop smoking the green my pals! Use this opportunity to try out some CBD products instead. You can do it!

I’m sorry if I sound like your 9th grade gym teacher, but run, run and run some more. Since THC is stored in fat cells, cardio is one of the best ways to speed up your metabolism and burn fat. Who knows, if you’re insane maybe you’ll pick up a hobby.

I know, I know I said above to avoid drinking excessive amounts of water because of the possibility for diluted drug test samples, but staying hydrated is still important to the detox process, and well, living.

So drinking water in moderation will not only help clean out toxins, but keep you hydrated as you increase your activity levels. Trick of the trade: if you drink water with Vitamins B12 and B2, you can drink more water and lower your risk for dilution.

Try your best to avoid foods high in sodium, sugar and fat – so essentially just avoid fun for a little while.

Soak in bentonite clay, aged volcanic ash, that apparently has strong absorption properties. Whether it really works or not is unknown, but a relaxing bath sounds like just the trick to soothe some of your drug testing anxiety.

Head over to your favorite DIY sites for some homemade detox recipes that incorporate lemon, teas, mint, apple cider vinegar, watermelon, etc.

While detoxing kits can sometimes be a waste of money, desperate times call for desperate measures – girl, I get it.

While there really is no full-proof way to beat a drug test because everyone is different, and so are the tests, it still doesn’t hurt to try.

And hey, look at it this way, at least this gives you the excuse to treat yourself and your body the way you deserve beyond just #SelfCareSundays.

We also wanted to see what people on Reddit were saying, as you never know what kind of unique ideas you’ll find. (Miss Marijuana is not offering these Reddit quotes as advice so please be careful and do your research before trying anything that you see suggested from this forum.)

People on Reddit say:

“Look it’s going to take some time to remove from your system. It really depends on your current body fat percentage and how heavy of a smoker you were/are. Everyone varies. When I was much younger and in great shape, it took me a while 2 months to have THC removed from my system. However, I probably was smoking 5-8grams per day.”

“Time is the only cure. It’s about 3 – 4 weeks and you can buy some cheap THC tests on Amazon to keep track of exactly how long it takes you for future reference. Everything else, except for a few small tips, is snake oil.”

“Stop smoking weed lol.”

“Look up Palo Azul tea. Drink a gallon a day for 5 days. Don’t drink any the day before test (it will dilute sample). The trick is to drink at least a full gallon jug a day for a few days and you’ll piss like a race horse every day. I’ve used this method multiple times, it has never failed me. The tea tastes very earthy and while not unpleasant, I feel that adding a good amount of honey while boiling the tea makes it much more palatable. Also, run and try to sweat as much as possible. That combined with the tea and you’re Gucci.”

“Research is your friend. Detox drinks don’t work.”

“The most important thing is to not give them your first pee of the day (after the night), because it’s going to have the highest concentration of THC.”

If you’re preparing to take a drug test for work and want to get THC out of your system, there are quite a few things to try. Remember, not everyone is the same so wha works for someone else may not work for you. Time is your friend so try to buy yourself more of it before the test.

Madeleine Balestrier is a writer who covers cannabis culture and new trends in the cannabis community.