How Marijuana Helped Me Battle PTSD From An Abusive Relationship

By: Connie Carey

Cannabis is my PTSD healer and my salvation from abuse and suicide.

Cannabis has helped my life in ways I never could have imagined. I used to be so against marijuana since my parents raised me to believe that it was a drug that could kill you.

Little did they know it would one day help me through suicide, abuse and PTSD.

I was 25 when I met my abuser. He acted like Prince Charming but was a total fraud. After a month of bliss he became a monster.

As the years passed it turned into everyday abuse to about every hour abuse. He verbally, mentally and emotionally abused me every day.

The most physical he got with me was a shove to the ground which happened three times.

He did display physical abuse more through my personal belongings, including kicking a hole through my Camaro’s windshield while he was in the passenger seat and I was driving down a mountain road.

He even threatened to kill me once. Life with my abuser was scary and he made me believe I wasn’t worth a thing.

It all lead me to suicidal thoughts. I’ve held scissors against my wrist and I thought of driving off the mountain countless times.

I felt like such a burden to everyone and how could anyone love me the way I was.

I thought the world was better off without me because he made me believe it was.

I had tried cannabis before but it didn’t really hit me so I just left it alone. It wasn’t until I started dating my abuser that I picked it up because he liked to smoke.

I liked when he would smoke because he would be calm and nice to me. I soon learned that if I smoked enough, I would be numb to the screaming in my ear. Because when he didn’t want to smoke, he would be himself; he would abuse me. So I would smoke whatever was left.

Soon I developed severe anxiety and I smoked more and more. There were days I would binge smoke to knock out asleep for hours only to wake up, eat and do it all over again for days. So I wouldn’t kill myself.

Those days I wanted to die but instead I sedated myself with a lot of cannabis. Cannabis kept me in my own world when my outside world was trying to destroy me.

I finally got the courage to stop binge smoking so I could get my life back. I stood up to him and I left him.

I kept smoking everyday, just not as much as I did living in that hell. At first I thought it had to be addictive because I couldn’t stop smoking it. My body would create a lot of anxiety.

I had no idea I was suffering from PTSD. I had no idea my healing journey had only just begun. I then realized cannabis isn’t addictive but that my body craved it to feel normal.

It finally felt safe to detox all the pain and suffering I went through. But since my nervous system was shot, it needed some help to get through daily life.

It has been well over a year since I left my abuser but I still suffer from PTSD. I still go through anxiety/depression cycles, I have different forms of anxiety, and I have insomnia.

I don’t smoke as much as I used to though because I am healing. I do smoke more when I go through cycles or when I am sick and need a boost so I can get out of bed and get things done.

PTSD affects all areas of my body. I have trouble eating, I’m usually nauseated from the anxiety, my nervous system is sensitive and I have trouble sleeping.

My head is cloudy, I get frustrated easily and some days I simply feel like I can’t get out of bed.

Cannabis has helped me in all these areas without the added horrible side effects that man-made psych drugs have. Cannabis doesn’t hurt my body more, it helps heal it!

I did have one hell of a time figuring out the best strains to use for myself. Marijuana works different for everyone and every strain produces a different effect.

I also needed to understand my form of anxiety. Which I don’t fear the unknown, I fear what has already happened to me will happen again.

I fear through patterns I noticed, believing I knew the outcome because it was similar to something before.

After much research online, mainly on Leafly, I finally pin-pointed the best strains for my body. My go to brand is Heavy Hitters, I love their high potency cartridges! I use Blue Dream for anytime of the day and night.

This is my go to strain for everything. And when I need an extra kick at night to sleep, I take an edible. This works to keep my anxiety cycles at bay, I eat well, and I can sleep.

Best thing about Blue Dream is that since it’s a Sativa, I don’t feel sleepy throughout the day. If I want Indica because I’m having a rough time then I get the Blueberry strain because I read Blueberry is a part of Blue Dream.

So they mix very well together for me. When I am at my absolute worst and I need a strain to kick my ass and pass me out until I can pull myself together, it is northern lights.

Last but not least is Granddaddy Purple. That strain helped me through while I was finding the perfect cannabis concoction for myself. It was perfect for my rollercoaster anxiety.

I used to smoke a lot. I’d smoke three bowls to myself every time I’d sit down to smoke. Which was multiple times a day.

A year ago, I switched to cartridges and I would go through three full gram cartridges in two days.

Now I go through two full gram cartridges in one week! I purchase two micro dose edibles a month to help on the nights I need to sleep more.

Honestly, I just needed to listen to what my body needed. Once I did that, I was able to take control of my dosing.

I would take a puff and see how I felt in 15 minutes, I kept it up until I got the high I needed to function.

That’s when I learned how many puffs I needed to get there. It slowly decreased as I noticed my body had times or days I felt good without it. So I wouldn’t smoke in those moments.

My cannabis goes everywhere with me. It keeps me balanced, centered and happy. I can focus on my tasks and be productive in my day.

I will forever be cannabis pro because of how it has saved my life and how it continues to save my life by letting me live it!

Follow me on IG: @tresbellecc to see how I have been growing, my wonderful fiancée and how beautiful my life is unfolding.

You can also visit my site www.tresbellecc.com where I share my personal blog and all my businesses.